WKU Athletics: STOP ALL ACTIVITY AND PUT DOWN THE PENS! The Ideal List of Potential Candidates For WKU's Men's Basketball Head Coach is Right Here!
After brainstorming, it is fairly obvious that these candidates are far and above the rest. Todd Stewart has a tough job, so Towel Rack has compiled a list of candidates for Todd to add to the list.
First of all, let me just say how devastated I am that Steve Lutz only had one year at Western. But I’m not going to cry because it is over. I’m going to smile because it happened. And what better way to get over it and smile than looking into how we can move forward?
We’re not here to mess around. This is serious freaking business. Millions of dollars are at stake here, so we won’t waste your time with mindless chatter. Let’s get to the most serious candidate on our list immediately.
The List
Rick Stansbury
With brilliant phrases like “shoot tat ball” and “air’s a fine line ‘tween winning n losin” and “Zach, Zach, how many free troes did UTEP have in the first half?”, one can’t help but just run it back and give it another seven years of almost good enough.
What could go wrong this time?
Maybe he was taking notes on Lutz this whole time and learned his lesson.
Would be funny to see the fan reaction
Chance to redeem himself is there, but probably wouldn’t
Only needs five scholarship players and a “trustworthy” walk-on
Bob Huggins, the always drunk
Could still probably take us to more tournaments than Stansbury
Would have hilarious press conferences
Wouldn’t even have to sell him on the idea of always being drunk
Cons: Would need to hire a few interns or assistants to drive him everywhere (maybe employ pledges from the local fraternities to do this?)
The Chair Bobby Knight Threw
Instant recognition from national media
Would always have a place where one of our players could rest
Could possibly be possessed by the spirit of Bobby Knight, and therefore retain some of his basketball knowledge
Higher IQ than most of the people on this list
Casey Richards,
Successful head coaching run of a league for 7-8 year olds
Solid written communication skills
Hungry for opportunity and looking for a step up
Huge WKU supporter, and alum
Has been writing for Towel Rack for nearly a quarter of a year.
Steve Kerr
Probably tired of Draymond’s BS
Lives in California, which is basically a Godless wasteland, could use a change of scenery
If we ask him if the dishes are done, he’ll reply Klay Thompson so that we know they are washed
Proven record at the NBA level with multiple championships
Brian St. Johns
Currently the WKU Orchestra Conductor
Could possibly harbor an innate athletic talent
Conducts an orchestra, how much different is that than basketball?
Would be familiar with Western and the people will be excited knowing we got a guy who knows his way around the university
Since we’re on the random path of music people at WKU…
Dr. Jeff Bright
Former WKU Director of Bands (including pep band and marching band)
Power Five experience…at directing music
Sounds like George W. Bush, but is way more cool and lovable
WKU Basketball would have the best toes on campus #ForwardHotch
Actually genuinely cared about athletics and told pep/marching band members they had to cheer
A genuinely good man
Also, the lucky chicken…when Dr. Bright was with WKU, a “lucky chicken” found its way to every game. Coincidentally, WKU’s athletic success took a downturn when Dr. Bright left in the mid-2010s. BRING IT BACK!
Jared Rosdeutcscher
Kentucky Native and WKU alum, he is 100% committed to Western and would take less money than someone else who would use us as a stepping stone
Once shot 8-9 from behind the arc at a Church lock-in
Might actually be shorter than Rick Insell
Last name is probably the worst nightmare for any graphics department or social media intern
Towel Rack veteran; former editor in chief, current Starbucks Barista
All plays would be named after Starbucks menu items
Recently gained a couple of pounds to graduate from his “sixth grade bod” to an “early high school bod”. If he gains another 40, he might finally have a dad bod.
Michael Jordan
Instantly recognizable name
Has always played the tough guy
Really good actor, I enjoyed him in Creed and Black Panther
Wait, did you think I was talking about the basketball player?
Matt McCay
Self described “Master Debator”
At 6’3, 300+ pounds, he has claimed he was known as the round mound of inbounds in his church league, and will work for free meals at Fresh.
Former WKU equipment manager and Former tuba player, so he is used to seeing jock straps up close and blowing real hard. Oh sorry, I mean he saw WKU sports up close and can shoulder WKU fan’s expectations due to his calloused sousaphone shoulders.
Towel Rack veteran, current editor-in-chief
Cons: Western would have to increase their cough drop budget and he will most likely have to leave the bench to wrangle his children at least once per half.
David McCay
Played elementary basketball at McNeil in BG back in the stone age
Averaged 6 points, 6 rebounds and 6 turnovers. Some say he sold his soul to Satan for his ability.
Could probably be convinced to be a package deal with Matt, but we would have to watch out for them yelling at officials (must run in the family)
Has experience winning championships for WKU already. In EA college sports video games.
Sired the “Round Mound of Inbounds”
At 5’10” 270, not once but twice held Craig McCormack under 40 points in church league.
Towel Rack rookie, writes mostly on the Lady Tops, so he’s very inclusive and big on equal opportunity and the whatnot and like such as.
Will probably mention WKU in the ‘80s and ‘90s at literally every press conference at least twice out of nowhere.
Shaq
Proven winner, and proven nice guy via Papa Johns commercials
Has a pretty sick DJ set actually
Could groom his kids to take over in good ol fashioned nepotism
Maybe could convince Charles Barkley to come over as well, instantly making our coaching staff the funniest in the nation
Ethan Sandknop
Pretty cool guy
My current roommate
I asked him like thirty seconds ago if he wanted to be in this article and he shrugged and said “sure”.
Has no clue what the article is even about, no relation to Western at all, so he would bring an unbiased “fresh” perspective
Tupac’s Hologram
Would be like a ghost, players could walk through him easily to check in at the scorer’s table
Could probably do all the halftime shows
Todd Stewart could probably program him to say good things about him constantly (Sources: He would like that)
Brings a whole new demographic in to sell tickets to our games
This is just my personal opinion on who the best available options are. We should aim to grab one of them. The ball is in your court, Todd Stewart, or as seemingly half of everyone spells your name, Todd Steward.
As always, #GoTops